A woman's blog of Life - and living it Wisely!!

LIVE - LOVE - LAUGH - EAT - PRAY - LEARN - SURVIVE - THRIVE - INSPIRE -- and blog all of it!

Showing posts with label sad. Show all posts
Showing posts with label sad. Show all posts

Monday, April 9, 2012

TATAY'S 7th anniversary in heaven

Today is April 9, 2012... a lot of years ago, this same day is celebrated as our "ARAW NG KAGITINGAN"... seven years ago on this same day, it is not a celebration but instead a day of grief and sadness because we lost our most beloved patriarch... JOSE "PEPING" SAMSON. Come to think of it... being a war veteran and a life survivor - the day he passed away fits a true blodded guerilla!!!
Well, eversince Nanay and Tatay were young, they were fighters and survivors... a rags to riches story, a young love that stood time.
Tatay, known as "jope" to some, "peping" to some is our Eddie Garcia look alike... strict but loving. He was JP's spoiler... He was our disciplinarian at the same time, our "police chief" - we would always come running to him if we like to make "sumbong" anything. Tatay's voice was like a thunder roar... we are all silenced when he yells.
O
One story that stayed on my mind a while ago is; while me, kuya Jeje and Clarissa was in the room this evening, with the "Samsonites" (kids)... we tried scolding them because they were all jumping on the bed, running in the whole house, screaming - things we actually did like 20 years ago - when Tatay was still alive!!! we all just told them to stop, and told them  that if Tatay was there, They would be beaten with broomsticks or softbrooms!!! and the kids continued asking questions about Tatay and we gladly told them how Tatay was... 


It's sad to think that this little ones are unfortunate they were not able to meet the real "Samson" that raised their fathers!!! 


Tatay.. we miss you and we love you so much... you are never forgotten!!!

Tuesday, February 7, 2012

I AM WOMAN! I am strong, I am invincible.

This song - I AM WOMAN is originally by Helen Reddy . is a classic favorite of mine, I just saw it when I watched the Sex and the CIty 2 movie.
This is my “breather” song. Whenever I feel down and needs a boost, apart from my chocolates… I sing this song… even in the shower, while driving, while walking, anywhere. Whenever I just need to feel good and feel beautiful, I just play this song.

I will now share it to every woman out there who might need some boost  some time…
Besides, it is from my all time favorite series and movie, Sex and the City. I think, no other characters can portray this song best… love it… :)
Lyrics are here too.. enjoy. Feel good. Feel light. Feel that you are a woman.. Because we deserve to have the best same as everyone else…
 

                                                                                                              I am woman, hear me roar
In numbers too big to ignore
And I know too much to go back an' pretend
'Cause I've heard it all before
And I've been down there on the floor
No one's ever gonna keep me down again
Oh yes, I am wise
But it's wisdom born of pain

Yes, I've paid the price

But look how much I gained
If I have to
I can do anything
I am strong (strong)
I am invincible (invincible)
I am woman
I am woman watch me grow

See me standing toe to toe

As I spread my lovin' arms across the land

But I'm still an embryo
With a long, long way to go
Until I make my brother understand

Oh, yes, I am wise

But it's wisdom born of pain

Yes, I've paid the price

But look how much I gained


If I have to
I can do anything
I am strong (strong) 2x
I am invincible (invincible) 2x
I am woman


Sunday, June 26, 2011

I WAS CONFINED AT THE HOSPITAL - MY CALL OF DUTY AND LOVE!!!

I was confined at the hospital for three days.

 - Well not me, it was Joart!

 He has been sick for months already come to think of it, because of a recurrent back pain until to his right pelvis and that whole hip area. Last Wednesday he had high fever and was chilling. I was convincing him to take medicines such as a paracetamol for the fever (he is not used to taking meds - as in!) which he "patiently" rejected. The following morning, I know he still has fever. That time, the "convincing" was not so hard anymore because he was already in so much pain.

As usual, being hot tempered that he is... I have to understand.

I have to deal with the sluggishness and laziness to get up - which by the way, I think was just a delaying tactic because he knew he'd be facing those needles again!!! (",)

When we were at the hospital, constant yelling and disagreement was expected - not necessarily directed to me but because he was really in pain.

Still, I have to understand.  

HE IS SICK.
After the series of tests (which he all failed, urinalysis has high RBC count and among others) and injections…he felt a little better and was a bit relieved of the pains. We finally got the results and decided that we should be admitted already, since it was not a typical UTI. Aside from the kidney stones problem that was diagnosed, the doctors advised a general check up to know his complete blood chemistry / results. They are suspecting more problems like his blood sugar, cholesterol, uric acid. Lung examinations / chest x-rays were also done since he is a very bad chain smoker!!! The doctors requested for an IVPS (It was sooo expensive so I decided to forget the whole meaning). It was like an x-ray test but more complicated since he needs to be injected with some kind of medical dye and have to be x-rayed several times and needs to stay on bed for the whole one hour process!!! This is to really know the exact size and location of the suspected kidney stones.

What is happening??

When you are about to sleep… your patient would call you because he needs help for his IV… next, when you can’t sleep, he sleeps peacefully. When confined in a hospital, you will miss your bed so much because you will just sleep on a sofa bed beside the patient’s “reclining bed”. Thankfully we got a nice room that has a clean and beautiful comfort room, so bathroom concerns (which are the biggest for me) is not a problem. Being a “bantay” is also as if you are also sick. Plus, when your patient is Joart, from time to time, you’ll get loud voices of commands, sometimes soft tones of pleases. I guess when you are with a certain person for almost half of your life; you will learn to just let everything pass right through both ears… seamlessly!!! And sarcastically smile and say – “ok ka lang ba?” (L)

So after almost 3 days of being stuck in that room… it is not the sickness and the lab results that I was anxious of… it is how much more can I bear the pain of getting hurt, getting mad, annoyed, bullied. I was also trying to count  How much more will this being happy, laughing, not sleeping and having good talks will last?

The good news:

He was well. Kidney stones were small, although proven to be recurrent because of his high uric acid. All blood chem results were above the normal range, so we have another schedule for our internist. His urologist cleared his kidneys but gave medicines and we have a scheduled of series of check ups to maintain the state of his kidneys. ( after having both our dads died for kidney failure – kidney issues are like “life threats” for us already). Fortunately and unbelievably that his lungs / chest x-rays are clear.. so he went on smoking again. J - inside the room by the window!!! L  

CALL OF DUTY AND LOVE.
It is the rough times like these that you can test how much you value each other and how much you love each other… Simple gestures/phrase like, “sige, matulog ka na”, or “kuha ka ng magandang kwarto na kumportable kang magbantay” (I was about to get a suite… hehehe! – of course I did not – just the junior one!) or “ mauna ka ng kumain”, “ asking for your hand while he was sleeping – as if he never held your hand before”. “ leaning his head on your shoulders when he was really dizzy”, “saying, how beautiful the nurses were, but I was the most beautiful of them - shallow as it seems… (walang basagan ng trip. J) – But  in times that you are waiting for your medical records and doctor’s final prognosis whether you are good or ill – this is the best time you can just show feelings that you’ve probably been hiding for years… perhaps my perfect timing to be loved again.

Bottomline: at the end of the day, no matter what happens, the call of duty and love will prove not only true love – but also endurance -  patience – acceptance – forgiveness – sacrifices we are willing to give, lastly – commitment.

No name titles, papers, agreements, or words or pictures or videos are needed just to prove how to be that “one special person to someone else – just a call of duty and love.

And this is the test of time we can humbly say – we passed!!! Get well soon Joart!
 I love you mahal!

Thursday, October 28, 2010

describing life from google

just saying...
here are the random pictures of my life... 
(all from google when i was browsing)
they all reflected and explained 
my state of mind, life and heart ...
enjoy...






Sacrifices 
and
happiness




 





Choices
and 
decisions






 


Loneliness
and
fate 










 




Everything has its time… time to be gone and be back. 

Time to 
love,
laugh
and leave…


what if my time is out?????

I am now jailed by my own decisions of not letting go of those things that should have been set freed a long time ago.
I am now counting the years of my existence and happy are those who have found their rightful places in this Earth.

 

A friend told me to just go with the flow… he said: “ ayos lang yun, sumama ka na lang sa agos… para hindi ka masaktan” … I said: “ what if I’m about to reach the end of a waterfall”…  he said: “ e d ayos, mataas ang tatalunan” …  Me: [with so much things on my head that I wanted to explain to him…] I just answered with doubt and with a smile: I’m afraid of heights !!!
maria cristina falls - i took it when i went in Cagayan, Iligan, Bukidnon, etc




Funny! Short, true, but still funny! We have just equated our lives to the, perhaps, rapids of a river! We have just compared our maybe sad lives to the waters falling from the falls.



  
Boredom, 
like misery,
loves
company.
Drunkness
and sadness 
are always best with friends!
my ecstasy of questions




I have just realized that decision making should not be the hardest part of letting go, but instead, it is the “after party” of the deciding (main event)  And now, I know, I can never decide, because I never wanted to attend the “after party”.







 

 Life was never the same. And it will never be. It is true that we can never bring back any part of yesterday. I will only have pictures in my memory of both satisfactions and regrets but never contentment. 

I just can’t help but sometimes question my own life, and yes sometimes my God, Why!. Why is it that if He has control in all of this, in all of me, has he allowed these things to happen to me, knowing that I will not be ok afterwards…  with a heart full of doubt, it just hit me… true enough, that it is because of all these things that I was able to be ME now. That I was able to hold on the same cross that I thought I was carrying… I was not carrying it after all.. it was lying on my back to assure me I can make it through all these mess, I – Myself – have gotten into.
                                                            



No 
one 
is to
blame. 
- but me!





It just makes me so f*&%!ng irritated and really pissed to hear people complain and always blame others for their own miseries and desperations. Diba sabi nga, when we point the blame to other people, may natitira pang 4 na daliri na nakaturo din satin. Can’t you stop and think, maybe the problem is not with all of us, and maybe it was you all along!!! Maybe it was you after all? Maybe we were all like this because of you!









CHANGE...
CHANGE 
FOR THE BETTER!




As always, after all the turmoil and ecstasy that I have dealt with… still, I am standing strong. I am not really happy and proud of where I am now, but at least, I don’t know how it happened or who taught me… because still, I am not losing hope that like what Bob Marley will always say.. “Everything is gonna be alright!   







the enchanted kingdom roller coaster, always seen never riden

Life will always be that roller coaster ride… and sadly… I have never been in a roller coaster… 





But I’ve travelled by plane, by cruise, by ship, by boat, by a car, a 4x4, name it… all with a bumpy ride, and went out of it alive…






Maybe my survival will depend on my next ride.. It is for me to take and for me to finish… as long as it is not a roller coaster!









 I cannot afford to just cross the bridge when I get there.. I need to be ready before the bridge, because maybe after I cross it, there is no turning back of what I have left in the other side…
the very famous bridge in Paris where Carrie kissed Big - my dream scene in my life!!!



iceberg - true beauty lies beneath
 and finally.... the best ever reason why i still believe... the beauty of my life do not depend on what is just infront of me.. my beauty is not only skin deep.. it is this big heart inside and the good mind on top of my head that always give me hope, strenght and wisdom to move forward and carry on!!

... I AM BEAUTIFUL NO MATTER WHAT THEY SAY!!! HAHAHA

So don't you bring me down today.. or not ever!!!

I am like my chocolates... sweet. dark. reliable. your happy vitamins!







THIS IS ME.. TAKE IT OR LEAVE IT


and this explains it all... haha!!





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