July 7, 2016
Happy birthday. I have been very busy... For months of planning for a new venture, now for actually having it, manning it, deciding for it. You will be proud of me. Daddy, I've been writing letters to you for 10 years now. Most of it says, how I need you to be here... Now I know, you know it best that you can guide. Me more if you are closer to Jesus... Thank you daddy. I now know this is one of those "Big God's plan"... To change me and make me better.
Happy birthday to my one and only TABA. Happy birthday DICK SAMSON. I MISS U. I LOVE YOU. words are not enough to express how much i miss you each day since you were gone.. It still feels like you just left last night.. Not 10 yeas ago.. Same pain.. But still same love. I always tell that to people, "pag may nawala na mahal na mahal mo, hindi mo yun natatanggap kahit kailan; makakasanayan mo lang!!"
It still hurts so much. Sobrang hinahanap kita. Tinatawag kita lagi, pag umiiyak ako, nagsusumbong ako sa'yo. Pag galit ako, iniisip mo pano mo ko igaganti, kahit mali yun.
At lahat ng magagandang nakikita nila na nangyayari ngayon sa pamilya natin... PARA SA'YO LAHAT YUN. LAHAT NG PINANGARAP AT GINUSTO MO, matupad man sya ngayon, kaht wala ka dito... Hinangad namin yun para sayo. Not to brag, not to be mayabang- ayaw na ayaw mo ng mayayabang e. -- but maybe just to own a small part of right, and integrity and respect that we deserve. Daddy, you always say, kung talagang magaling kami, then pakita namin..so we won't be judged. But the world is crazy daddy... They will do just the same...
So whatever greatness comes our way... We will just do it for you and mommy... And for ourselves...for us na mga anak mo.
You are truly unique... Different. Braver, stronger than most of the ones here... You always say that and I believe you. You have been our family's wall that shields us from all the bad things that comes our way... You are our family's own police, that protects us from this world's ill vibes... Greed, power, envy, manipulations, foolish plays. Well, daddy, all daughters will praise their father... All of them will say that their daddy is their King.. Like how you are to me. All girls will say that their father is their hero.. But NONE of them has DICK SAMSON as their father!!! You are one legendary Padrino. You ruled, conquered and saved all these people who looks at you with respect, dignity and love. You are what you say, you mean and you do what comes from you. You are true to your words.
Like my San Pedro, you are our famil's rock... And from you we will build greatness...
You will be proud of Me. JP, Jerome and Godfrey!
But daddy, please, all the pains, all those that hurts,-- take them.. 😂😂😂 Literally, figuratively...
Peace. Just a joke daddy.
Be in peace, kayang kaya ko na to!! You raised me well to handle all these adversities, nakataas pa kilay ko! MALDITA TO!!!
me your princess,
January 30, 2016
8:00 pm / Saturday
I am sorry. I am sorry it took me this long to write you again, but you know I never forgot you. Daddy, I can't forget you. all the pains are still building up inside. I did not write so I won't remember how much it still hurts.
I am writing now because I know you want me too. You always tell me to express how I feel. You taught me how to speak my mind. I am writing you now because I feel guilty. I am writing you now because I need your strong presence in my life - again!!!
Hindi ko pa din matanggap na wala ka, nakakasanayan ko lang.
last year, January 11, I was in the ICU, palpitations daw. well yeah, heart problem.
Yes Daddy, nagkasakit ako sa puso. And I can hear you yelling at me na mag diet na. Promise. I will.
Promise. Really. I wanted to be with you before, I prayed that a lot before, remember? But now, Looking at my Nea and JP's Florence, No more Daddy. I want to stay longer... for them. They need me. I want to be with them.They make me happy.
I have a lot of stories to tell you... Soon, I will update you more. Promise.
Daddy, Many things have changed, both for the good and others for the bad. As always, good news and bad news.
Daddy, I miss you so bad it hurts. I will try to update you with lots of stories this year. to let it out of my system. I really did not write you before in the hopes of letting you go...but I really can't. sorry.
I love you. Please continue praying for me and my brothers, we need you now more than ever. I'm sure you know what is happening and we are moving forward and ahead of all these things.
Daddy, you can see Nea and Florence right? your apos are getting bigger! They know a lot about you.
me your princess,
SEPTEMBER 20, 2014
9 years!!! 9 years that you have taken your long vacation... Come to think of it, 9 is my favorite number. But this time, my 9 will be different – it is sad. As always it still feels like it was just last night. The hurt never subsides. The pain never dies. I always tell anyone that asks me how I deal with your “happy vacation” - kahit kelan hindi natatanggap, basta nakakasanayan lang. I have never moved on and perhaps will never will.
I cry buckets of tears when I hear songs with any father feelings. I always cry at movies that has father-daughter/son scenes. I cannot listen to John Denver songs. I still wear your jogging pants and old t-shirts. I still cannot smell the scent of Davidoff Cool Water. Yes, it has been a long time if I am going to count the days, but the length of days or months will never matter if I am going to measure the depths of my pain.
Dad, you are kindda missing some big events this year.
Knowing you, you will just be around there like my brown butterfly.
Ira is getting married. “We” will definitely be there. I still remember how much you want your “piña” barong and it must be Tesoro’s. You would have loved the foods for sure. Daddy, you are also missing Florence’s 7th birthday. This October too. “They” will be there. You know how I would love to be there for my Florence, but you also know how I hate to have a sight of her so called mother and all the tactics and b!%(#y moves of that person as if she “owns” the party. Oh I’m sure she has so many “visitors”. She gave so much hurt to mommy. I think, to make everyone at ease and be quiet, like what Jerome said, and I think that is also what Mom and Jp wanted - It would be best for me to not go. (and for the sake of everyone, hehehe!!) They know I wouldn’t just sit and be quiet in a corner as she parades all over the place - as if she owns the place and as if she was the celebrant! Oh daddy, I know you can see everything, I know you actually know the truth… I am sorry that I hate her.
Daddy, I always tell you that a lot of things would have been different if you are still here. I terribly miss you. Thank you for always listening when I always call on your name. Daddy, I know you know what my plans are. I just pray that they all fall into place. Daddy, I am super grateful to your family… they are still taking care of us like how they took care of you. I am also grateful to find new people that I can add to our long list of good friends. Daddy, Jp and Jerome changed our lights to LED to minimize our consumption. Mom and I are just having problems with our water pipes in the house.
Dad, Tito Dan had a mild stroke. But don’t you worry, because he is ok now and will just probably undergo follow up check-ups and therapy. He will definitely be better each day.
Daddy, I know that you are in a better place. I sincerely like the idea that you are no longer suffering physically. You are now having your derby with Peter. Most of all, Tatay Peping, Papa Segundino, Tito Boy, Ate Bella, Kuya Ato, Tito Narding and ate Bella are all there with you – you must be happy now.
I love you so much. You are half of my being and I will forever treasure all our memories and I still try to relive some of them. I will humbly live on your meaningful legacy and will try so hard to leave one like yours – just at least some of it.
here I go again, I've been really controlling myself to not write this letter. You know why. I have to let you go. I HAVE TO STOP BOTHERING YOUR ALREADY PEACEFUL STATE. BUT... YOU REMINDED ME OF YOU AGAIN..AGAIN, AND AGAIN.
I'm just wondering how are you now? you were in my dreams for a couple of nights already. You - as a brown butterfly, was under my table at Anvaya Cove. Apparently, a butterfly also showed up at Sarabeth's house the same night we all got home from Anvaya and Subic. She said she's wondering if it was you or Tita Rosie. I said, maybe it was you because I saw that butterfly at Anvaya. Were you really there? did you see mom enjoyed the beach at 6:00 am? did you see Nea and Florence? Did you enjoy the buffet and the dinner all of us had?
I know you were there.
I know that is what you love.
I know you've always liked those types of travels - Family vacations. Samson bonding.
I know you've always loved Subic. I remember how we used to get tour guides everytime we go to SBMA. We always tour inside, get to the "bunkers" of all the missiles and the canyons of the US forces. We will be going to the old quarters of the US officers, we go around the base and I can see the awe in your eyes. You were always amazed of the big ships, the developments and how Subic was preserved.
We love the duty free shops, the imported chocolates. I still wonder why you'd get a lot of imported Fundadors, Johnnie Walkers, and other liquors - because You Never Drank at All!!! You just gave them away. And that cuts from my kikay stuff and Spam budgets. hehehe!!!
I know you saw us in the room. I know you enjoyed the back and forth Golf Kart rides.
The good life. The relaxing "yayamanin" Sunday vacation is actually your original thing.
Dad, did you see mommy ordered that very salivating Angus rib eye steak at the Yatch Club? haha!!!
She remembers what to get, no? I know you were there, for some reason it feels cold in my table. I kept quiet. Godfrey transferred at my table. Jerome, me and Kuya were in one table.
I don't want to give meaning into all of the details that is happening to me. I don't want to be OA and relate everything to you. But... That Sunday. That one Family Sunday was different. You made your smile and happiness felt. Everything I saw in that beautiful place - are all the good things you've always wanted.
Thank you Tita Dolly for bringing us - all of your Samson family there.
I DON'T MISS YOU ANYMORE. YOU ARE ALWAYS WITH ME. YOU NEVER LEFT.
thank you for still taking care of us. We still need you. We still love you like forever!
i need you daddy!!!
how have you been? I miss you so bad.. you're birthday is coming up soon.. I wonder what can i get you?? dad, your kubo is now turned into a chapel that housed a lot of our alagang santo(s).. mom just spends her time there in the morning.. and a lot of os for some quiet time alone. they are planning to have it blessed on your birthday.. is that cool with you?? Dad... Jp had an operation already.. na lap band na sya.. finally, no?? diba yun yung matagal mo nang gusto for him?? ang laki na ng pinayat niya... as in hi stummy is sagging already.. his legs look looser and bigger - but it was just the fats going down his legs and thighs. well, dad... don't you woory about us. we can still manage to keep things together. and I'm so sorry if most of the time I have been calling your name... i just need you and i just wish you are still here because a lot would have been so different.
i love you daddy!
April 9, 2012
how are you? i know you're great. never been better right? i saw a brown butterfly the other day. I know it was you coz I know you know that something bad happened in our house. were you checking the broken windows? or the where the burglars passed? well dad, sorry if it took me so long to write again.. i was just busy with the tutorials. i was also busy with Nea, she had chickenpox.
Dad, on april 18, Jerome is graduating. I know you are happy and proud... what just hurts is that you are not here to join him. I know he is your bunso... he is sad also. I know that. That is why, i'm convincing mom and jp to have an extra "something" after his graduation... to just cover up your absence.
Dad... i was at your mausoleum this morning because it was tatay's 7th year... and when I was taking pics... i can't help but cry.. because there you are... and soon, we would be having your 7th year death anniversary.
Dad... i never lost you... I know you just went ahead of me... but please take care of us still... I miss you so much.
December 29, 2011
Hi Daddy!!! So, Christmas is soon?!! We already have our Christmas Lights… oh, have I told you that already? All our gifts for your pamangkins are all ready! þ Gifts for your brother’s families are ready too. þ. Foods for Noche Buena - þ, foods for Christmas is catered dad… oooopppps, before you get mad and shake your head with a big “what” and “no!” – hear me out. We have it that way but within budget, dad. It is also just the same when we do all the buying and paying all the help and cooks that would prepare the foods good for about a 100 visitors. You know how much visitors we have every Christmas.
Dad, I got a bad news… Someone is planning to leave me and work oout of the country,, oh never mind.. we will talk about that more privately. L
Dad, remember when after you left, Your bestfriend Papa Johnny brought us with his family in the provinces of Bohol, Cagayan, Iligan, Lanao, Bukidnon, etc? My Mindanao Escapade! – well, bad news is this storm Sendong, hit Cagayan and Iligan. The damage was so bad… leaving about 500 dead.
Dad, I remember when there was a typhoon here and the river at the back of our house was rising fast?? Remember when Mom was about to pack all our stuff and wants to go Manila, remember when, we drive in the nearby towns like Plaridel, Pulilan, etc. just to check if a flood is really a threat already to us that time?? I remember when you and Mom went one time to Calumpit and delivered a lot of goods in Calumpit way way back.
Dad, I REMEMBER YOU!!! Dad, I know you would want me to do something about this at least in my own little way. Dad, I know you are doing something up there as well…
Dad, I’ll write you again soon… very soon. I just need to wrap some more gifts for some of our family members…
Merry Christmas. I love you dad.
p.s. Dad, cash is always good…. Just like how you want it. Hehehe!! J
Nov. 29, 2011
well, we went to S&R for our usual December grocery escapade!!!
got a lot of the usual stuff we are getting... I got your favorite Del Monte Sardines and the Spanish sardines that you like.. got those franks too. got your favorite Keso de bola and the Purefoods fiesta ham..
well ,as usual, mom got her salad ingredients and lots of milk for our "special Hot Chocolate"...
You know daddy, while I was walking in between those grocery lanes/aisles... I felt sad... because I remember you.. I remember how much you would want me to stash or hide those Fundadors from Mom. (even if you are not drinking) I know that is for our "visitor's bar".
I remember us fighting because you don't want me to get lots of toiletries.. hehehe... coz you want me to get a lot of Turkey slices, bacons and one whole slab of rib-eye steak....
But I remember how much we had fun getting towels, rags, and some chocolates for Jerome.
Daddy, Christmas is soon... I am missing you more.... I love you Dad!
Nov. 28, 2011
6yrs, 2 mos, 6 days - since you left us and chose to join San Pedro and have your "sabong" there.
It’s just 26 days before Christmas! Well, Dad, I miss you so much. We have the Christmas lights and those (actually lots of) capiz balls that you’ve always wanted. I asked Jp to had it made – all blinking. That was what you liked, right? Remember before that we were asking roman, (our electrician) how he can have all our lights in front move and blink and dance?? Kindda that way now.
Dad, I’m in so much pain today. First emotionally – I’m sure if you are here, He would never treat me that way. Things are a lot different. I would have been married already. Moved out maybe… oh but well…
Dad, I know I’ve been praying these past months for you to come and get me... last night, - change of plans na ha! My girl Nea, (you haven’t met her) I got her the Christmas of the year you went to heaven. I first brought her at the mausoleum straight from the “house”... She saw how so much I was in pain because of my usual menstruation issues – she was crying, asking me to take care of myself because she would never want me gone and she said, each from school, she will always check if I’m still here…
Dad, sorry if I’m writing you this late… please hear me... you’re the only person I can talk to that I know won’t spill and react… - you will just listen.
Catch my prayers and please deliver it straight to Mama Mary and Jesus…
I am sorry for hurting you before… I love you so much… I miss you Daddy!!
p.s. Dad, tito teddy passed this 3am... heart attack... found lying on the floor in our plant... still alive, transferred to the hospital but was in coma for number of days already.. he is safer there with you...