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Showing posts with label broken heart. Show all posts
Showing posts with label broken heart. Show all posts

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

wish you were here!!

I know its awkward, but after finding out the truth... sometimes those crazy signs we ask from the heaven are confusing and it makes me feel just more bad.

I thought, I finally got the sign I like, but then, it was like how everything was - nothing!!

so, the sentimental me, heard this on the radio while driving and googled it right away - and now, as usual blogging it!!!

Avril Lavigne - Wish You Were Here
"Wish You Were Here"

I can be tough
I can be strong
But with you, it's not like that at all

There's a girl
who gives a shit
behind this wall
You've just walked through it

And I remember all those crazy things you said
You left them running through my head
You're always there, you're everywhere
But right now I wish you were here.
All those crazy things we did
Didn't think about it, just went with it
You're always there, you're everywhere
But right now I wish you were here

Damn, Damn, Damn,
What I'd do to have you
here, here, here
I wish you were here.
Damn, Damn, Damn
What I'd do to have you
near, near, near
I wish you were here.

I love the way you are
It's who I am, don't have to try hard
We always say, say like it is
And the truth is that I really miss

All those crazy things you said
You left them running through my head
You're always there, you're everywhere
But right now I wish you were here.
All those crazy things we did
Didn't think about it, just went with it
You're always there, you're everywhere
But right now I wish you were here

[Chorus:]
Damn, Damn, Damn,
What I'd do to have you
here, here, here
I wish you were here.
Damn, Damn, Damn
What I'd do to have you
near, near, near
I wish you were here.

[Bridge:]
No, I don't wanna let go
I just wanna let you know
That I never wanna let go

(let go let go let go let go)

No, I don't wanna let go
I just wanna let you know
That I never wanna let go

(let go let go let go let go let go let go let go)

Damn, Damn, Damn,
What I'd do to have you
here, here, here
I wish you were here (I wish you were)
Damn, Damn, Damn
What I'd do to have you
near, near, near
I wish you were here.

Damn, Damn, Damn,
What I'd do to have you
here, here, here
I wish you were here.
Damn, Damn, Damn
What I'd do to have you
near, near, near
I wish you were here.



Katy Perry Sings The One That Got Away on X Factor - The X Factor Live 2...

oh my gosh!!! This is one song that could define what a broken heart is.
It may be so sad to imagine that we have regrets, I thought I just like that song coz it is a broken hearted song... later I realized, I loved the song not because it is for a man - but it is for everything that just passed by my life...

oh regrets!! how can i live without you??
and maybe, I own this song!!! oh you, mr. could have been right!!!

Lyrics to The One That Got Away :

Summer after high school when we first met
We make out in you mustang to radio head
And on my 18th birthday we bought matching tattoos
Used to steal your parent's liquor and climb to the roof
Talk about our future like we had a clue
Never planned that one day i'd be losing you
In another life I would be your girl
We keep all our promises be us against the world
In another life I would make you stay
So I don't have to say you were the one that got away
The one that got away.

I was [?] you were my johnny cash
Never one without the other we made a pact
Sometimes when I miss you I put those records on...woe
Someone said you had your tattoo removed
Saw you down town singin the blues
It's time to face the music i'm no longer your muse
But in another life I would be your girl
We keep all our promises be us against the world
In another life I would make you stay
So I don't have to say you were the one that got away

The one that got away.

The one the one the one

The one that got away.

All his money can't buy me a time machine. no
Can't replace you with a million rings. no
I shoulda told you what you meant to me. woe
Cause now I pay the price.

In another life I would be your girl
We keep all our promises be us against the world
In another life I would make you stay
So I don't have to say you were the one that got away
The one that got away.

The one, the one, the one

In another life I would make you stay
So I don't have to say you were the one that got away
The one that got away

Sunday, June 26, 2011

I WAS CONFINED AT THE HOSPITAL - MY CALL OF DUTY AND LOVE!!!

I was confined at the hospital for three days.

 - Well not me, it was Joart!

 He has been sick for months already come to think of it, because of a recurrent back pain until to his right pelvis and that whole hip area. Last Wednesday he had high fever and was chilling. I was convincing him to take medicines such as a paracetamol for the fever (he is not used to taking meds - as in!) which he "patiently" rejected. The following morning, I know he still has fever. That time, the "convincing" was not so hard anymore because he was already in so much pain.

As usual, being hot tempered that he is... I have to understand.

I have to deal with the sluggishness and laziness to get up - which by the way, I think was just a delaying tactic because he knew he'd be facing those needles again!!! (",)

When we were at the hospital, constant yelling and disagreement was expected - not necessarily directed to me but because he was really in pain.

Still, I have to understand.  

HE IS SICK.
After the series of tests (which he all failed, urinalysis has high RBC count and among others) and injections…he felt a little better and was a bit relieved of the pains. We finally got the results and decided that we should be admitted already, since it was not a typical UTI. Aside from the kidney stones problem that was diagnosed, the doctors advised a general check up to know his complete blood chemistry / results. They are suspecting more problems like his blood sugar, cholesterol, uric acid. Lung examinations / chest x-rays were also done since he is a very bad chain smoker!!! The doctors requested for an IVPS (It was sooo expensive so I decided to forget the whole meaning). It was like an x-ray test but more complicated since he needs to be injected with some kind of medical dye and have to be x-rayed several times and needs to stay on bed for the whole one hour process!!! This is to really know the exact size and location of the suspected kidney stones.

What is happening??

When you are about to sleep… your patient would call you because he needs help for his IV… next, when you can’t sleep, he sleeps peacefully. When confined in a hospital, you will miss your bed so much because you will just sleep on a sofa bed beside the patient’s “reclining bed”. Thankfully we got a nice room that has a clean and beautiful comfort room, so bathroom concerns (which are the biggest for me) is not a problem. Being a “bantay” is also as if you are also sick. Plus, when your patient is Joart, from time to time, you’ll get loud voices of commands, sometimes soft tones of pleases. I guess when you are with a certain person for almost half of your life; you will learn to just let everything pass right through both ears… seamlessly!!! And sarcastically smile and say – “ok ka lang ba?” (L)

So after almost 3 days of being stuck in that room… it is not the sickness and the lab results that I was anxious of… it is how much more can I bear the pain of getting hurt, getting mad, annoyed, bullied. I was also trying to count  How much more will this being happy, laughing, not sleeping and having good talks will last?

The good news:

He was well. Kidney stones were small, although proven to be recurrent because of his high uric acid. All blood chem results were above the normal range, so we have another schedule for our internist. His urologist cleared his kidneys but gave medicines and we have a scheduled of series of check ups to maintain the state of his kidneys. ( after having both our dads died for kidney failure – kidney issues are like “life threats” for us already). Fortunately and unbelievably that his lungs / chest x-rays are clear.. so he went on smoking again. J - inside the room by the window!!! L  

CALL OF DUTY AND LOVE.
It is the rough times like these that you can test how much you value each other and how much you love each other… Simple gestures/phrase like, “sige, matulog ka na”, or “kuha ka ng magandang kwarto na kumportable kang magbantay” (I was about to get a suite… hehehe! – of course I did not – just the junior one!) or “ mauna ka ng kumain”, “ asking for your hand while he was sleeping – as if he never held your hand before”. “ leaning his head on your shoulders when he was really dizzy”, “saying, how beautiful the nurses were, but I was the most beautiful of them - shallow as it seems… (walang basagan ng trip. J) – But  in times that you are waiting for your medical records and doctor’s final prognosis whether you are good or ill – this is the best time you can just show feelings that you’ve probably been hiding for years… perhaps my perfect timing to be loved again.

Bottomline: at the end of the day, no matter what happens, the call of duty and love will prove not only true love – but also endurance -  patience – acceptance – forgiveness – sacrifices we are willing to give, lastly – commitment.

No name titles, papers, agreements, or words or pictures or videos are needed just to prove how to be that “one special person to someone else – just a call of duty and love.

And this is the test of time we can humbly say – we passed!!! Get well soon Joart!
 I love you mahal!

Thursday, December 16, 2010

pigment of my memory

just saying...

Every love affair has their own story.
I guess we are nearing our death.
Or maybe, this is the phase where we will die and get resurrected
And be what we used to be – in love and happy.
Or maybe this is the part that I am dreaming
And hoping that all these are not true.
That we are still happy.
That we are still going to be happy.

I used to have a folder of poems of how happy we are
How much we love each other
How in love we were…
A compilation of our happiest feelings
They were reminders of the kind of love we were sharing
Maybe they are our promises that we will stay that way
Or maybe, reminders that if we no longer have that state
We should fight for our love over and over again…

Now I just realized, those poems I’ve written for us
Are maybe meant to stay on those papers
Just a written pigment of my memory
For I have to face what is real
That we are not happy anymore
The love might still be there
But I guess the rest is gone
Just like a dream
I can’t remember them,
when I opened my eyes to reality.

Thursday, October 28, 2010

describing life from google

just saying...
here are the random pictures of my life... 
(all from google when i was browsing)
they all reflected and explained 
my state of mind, life and heart ...
enjoy...






Sacrifices 
and
happiness




 





Choices
and 
decisions






 


Loneliness
and
fate 










 




Everything has its time… time to be gone and be back. 

Time to 
love,
laugh
and leave…


what if my time is out?????

I am now jailed by my own decisions of not letting go of those things that should have been set freed a long time ago.
I am now counting the years of my existence and happy are those who have found their rightful places in this Earth.

 

A friend told me to just go with the flow… he said: “ ayos lang yun, sumama ka na lang sa agos… para hindi ka masaktan” … I said: “ what if I’m about to reach the end of a waterfall”…  he said: “ e d ayos, mataas ang tatalunan” …  Me: [with so much things on my head that I wanted to explain to him…] I just answered with doubt and with a smile: I’m afraid of heights !!!
maria cristina falls - i took it when i went in Cagayan, Iligan, Bukidnon, etc




Funny! Short, true, but still funny! We have just equated our lives to the, perhaps, rapids of a river! We have just compared our maybe sad lives to the waters falling from the falls.



  
Boredom, 
like misery,
loves
company.
Drunkness
and sadness 
are always best with friends!
my ecstasy of questions




I have just realized that decision making should not be the hardest part of letting go, but instead, it is the “after party” of the deciding (main event)  And now, I know, I can never decide, because I never wanted to attend the “after party”.







 

 Life was never the same. And it will never be. It is true that we can never bring back any part of yesterday. I will only have pictures in my memory of both satisfactions and regrets but never contentment. 

I just can’t help but sometimes question my own life, and yes sometimes my God, Why!. Why is it that if He has control in all of this, in all of me, has he allowed these things to happen to me, knowing that I will not be ok afterwards…  with a heart full of doubt, it just hit me… true enough, that it is because of all these things that I was able to be ME now. That I was able to hold on the same cross that I thought I was carrying… I was not carrying it after all.. it was lying on my back to assure me I can make it through all these mess, I – Myself – have gotten into.
                                                            



No 
one 
is to
blame. 
- but me!





It just makes me so f*&%!ng irritated and really pissed to hear people complain and always blame others for their own miseries and desperations. Diba sabi nga, when we point the blame to other people, may natitira pang 4 na daliri na nakaturo din satin. Can’t you stop and think, maybe the problem is not with all of us, and maybe it was you all along!!! Maybe it was you after all? Maybe we were all like this because of you!









CHANGE...
CHANGE 
FOR THE BETTER!




As always, after all the turmoil and ecstasy that I have dealt with… still, I am standing strong. I am not really happy and proud of where I am now, but at least, I don’t know how it happened or who taught me… because still, I am not losing hope that like what Bob Marley will always say.. “Everything is gonna be alright!   







the enchanted kingdom roller coaster, always seen never riden

Life will always be that roller coaster ride… and sadly… I have never been in a roller coaster… 





But I’ve travelled by plane, by cruise, by ship, by boat, by a car, a 4x4, name it… all with a bumpy ride, and went out of it alive…






Maybe my survival will depend on my next ride.. It is for me to take and for me to finish… as long as it is not a roller coaster!









 I cannot afford to just cross the bridge when I get there.. I need to be ready before the bridge, because maybe after I cross it, there is no turning back of what I have left in the other side…
the very famous bridge in Paris where Carrie kissed Big - my dream scene in my life!!!



iceberg - true beauty lies beneath
 and finally.... the best ever reason why i still believe... the beauty of my life do not depend on what is just infront of me.. my beauty is not only skin deep.. it is this big heart inside and the good mind on top of my head that always give me hope, strenght and wisdom to move forward and carry on!!

... I AM BEAUTIFUL NO MATTER WHAT THEY SAY!!! HAHAHA

So don't you bring me down today.. or not ever!!!

I am like my chocolates... sweet. dark. reliable. your happy vitamins!







THIS IS ME.. TAKE IT OR LEAVE IT


and this explains it all... haha!!





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