i am a mother to my daughter

wrote this blog from way back.. sharing it again this time for mother's day.

my daughter...
she is my little girl
everyone around us and who knows us
knows who is she in my life.
she is my angel...
she is heaven's way of assuring me that i am loved...
she is my life's greatest treasure.

a lot of moms can say the same way or even more than this.
now i believe that motherhood is in every woman's heart.
it is in every woman's dreams
it is the essence of every woman...


motherhood is not biological...
oh yes it is, i won't argue..
but does that make me less of a mother
just because i did not conceive her?

i am luckier, come to think of it.
that life and fate did not allow me to experience
that painful agony but fruitful childbearing process of life...

...but i am a mother!


she just turned 8, in a new school, and soon she will be graduating (sigh)
she is now asking how she can use my bags and chooses among them
she wants a facebook account...
she is "in" MY life... my family and friends,
and soon, she will be in HER own society of friends and family as well.

yes, my own, will also be her own now!!!
her life will be my life
but i will not make my life her life...

...because i am just a mother.



i will not cry when she cries
coz i need to be strong
no matter how much tears i am trying to stop...

i cannot stop living, trying and hurting,
i cannot just stop when everything gets rough and tough
coz i cannot stop being the person she looks up to
and for that i need to go on with life...

...because i am her mother...

i am happy even when i am sad
i feel alive even if i'm tired,
i feel high even if i'm in my lowest,
just one kiss and one hug!
i am living a life now, that to her i owe...
because...

...SHE IS MY DAUGHTER

i don't want to fall

just saying...
destiny, fate, or both
no one can really know what would happen
a decade is a lifetime as it is
i missed a friend and an enemy
i miss how i was annoyed and how i annoy
i miss our laughter, our simple stories,
our long hours and late nights on the phone.
missing someone after 10 years
who is not your anything is rare!
maybe it's really just missing
or maybe it was really just that we jive,
we connect, we enjoy... after all, we have sense!

a friend will always be a friend

no matter what our history may be
there are just some things better left unsaid
a simple i'm sorry is enough...
but maybe i forgave and forgot not because of the apology
but because of the happiness and the missing...
and maybe just because, i want to move on.
hoping maybe, expecting and getting ready to get hurt again.
here i go again, allowing people to get in to my life,
my nerves and eventually hurt me again.
i was told that goodbye is "i will see you again, when I'm ready to hold your hand and you're ready to hold mine..."
i was told that letting go is "i will miss your hand. i realized it is not mine to hold, and i will never hold it again..."

and someone said, there is actually no difference

you are my right kind of wrong
you are my personal brand of tequila shots
you are a hard habit to break
you are my "me"
my exact twin, my exact opposite

we are not anything.
no labels can be given.
oh i forgot... we are just friends!
you are now my biggest fear to my strength
you are the threat to my weakness.
but who am I to you?
i don't wanna be in this game again.
I'm trying to enjoy and not expect


so I'm keeping it this way.. the way you do and the way you like!

just stay, even as my friend
even if by staying, and by making you stay,
I'm silently hoping, waiting and expecting
and maybe quietly, loving and hurting... again!


but i won't... don't worry, i won't!