A woman's blog of Life - and living it Wisely!!

LIVE - LOVE - LAUGH - EAT - PRAY - LEARN - SURVIVE - THRIVE - INSPIRE -- and blog all of it!

Sunday, March 21, 2010


Just saying...
No one can ever tell when can be the last time we can say how much we love someone.
We can be ignoring days, hours and even minutes that just runs and pass by us.
When can too late be just too late? When is late really late?
I have ignored time and people in my lifetime...
I have learned life lessons the hard way... sometimes in a very personal way also.
During my younger years in school, I used to read stories with supposedly moral lessons in the end.
My assignments would always have the question, what is the moral lesson of the story???

Now I begin to ask myself, I do not have any stories to read...
I have my own now to make.
I do not have characters anymore to analyze and judge...
I have "me" now and my own character and values for that matter to watch for...
I have to guard my own self... my language, my actions, my decisions most importantly...
Now I can only find "regrets" in my own vocabulary.
But somewhere I am longing to see the words - faith, hope, maybe love in the end... and farther more, Respect.

Now, what is left of my life??

I am losing time, I lost my dad and with pains and still with tears that I will reminisce my few years with him.
I was planning to write more about him but I cannot...
Still after almost 6 years... I still can't even get over his death, much more talk about us...
I miss him so much...
It kills me missing him so much!!!

I always say, we can never accept losing someone....
The most we could do is just learn to get used to it each day that we have lost them.

It was too late for me to miss him.
It was too late for the kisses I have showered him during that painful 4am I lost him.
It was too late for me when I hugged his picture so tight on the burial procession!
I was late for loving him...

I pity myself that I can never get that time back...
Actually I have never forgiven myself.
I hate myself for the times I've hated him.
Actually I still have never forgiven myself.
I still cannot forget.

There are others that even without the same predicaments have wasted the same amount of time...
not showing how much they value their loved ones.
But why? What is stopping you?
What is taking you so long?

But sadly there are others, that even if how much they have shown their love...
They were still too late, too early,
Never on time... never ready to lose someone...
sadly, that something so good can be taken away from them...

Why does people always ask the "why" and "why me" questions???

because they do not hold time... no one does actually...

because no one knows the answers.

because maybe, no one dared to ask it again
because they are afraid they might be answered… the next time they asked?

no one owns time...
no one can control time...

no one knows God...

no one can control God.

maybe that is why we always say, that no matter what name we call Him

what matters is just we believe.

we believe to the most powerful being...

we trust even without personal appearance

we listen even without a phone call

we obey even without direct orders.

how can anyone really explain that time is gold but patience is a virtue?
Was it really just a joke that actually made perfect sense?

is the book of St. Peter true? do we really all have timelines and life spans?

when are we good enough? when is enough enough?

Is “no regrets” really an inspiring motto?

I was just too late… Was I really just late?
 Or it wasn’t really meant to be?

I guess, one thing is just proven true – MOVING ON, MOVING FORWARD.

Because we are never sure that each of our day has always tomorrows. 

Friday, March 19, 2010

i am a mother to my daughter

wrote this blog from way back.. sharing it again this time for mother's day.

my daughter...
she is my little girl
everyone around us and who knows us
knows who is she in my life.
she is my angel...
she is heaven's way of assuring me that i am loved...
she is my life's greatest treasure.

a lot of moms can say the same way or even more than this.
now i believe that motherhood is in every woman's heart.
it is in every woman's dreams
it is the essence of every woman...

motherhood is not biological...
oh yes it is, i won't argue..
but does that make me less of a mother
just because i did not conceive her?

i am luckier, come to think of it.
that life and fate did not allow me to experience
that painful agony but fruitful childbearing process of life...

...but i am a mother!

she just turned 8, in a new school, and soon she will be graduating (sigh)
she is now asking how she can use my bags and chooses among them
she wants a facebook account...
she is "in" MY life... my family and friends,
and soon, she will be in HER own society of friends and family as well.

yes, my own, will also be her own now!!!
her life will be my life
but i will not make my life her life...

...because i am just a mother.

i will not cry when she cries
coz i need to be strong
no matter how much tears i am trying to stop...

i cannot stop living, trying and hurting,
i cannot just stop when everything gets rough and tough
coz i cannot stop being the person she looks up to
and for that i need to go on with life...

...because i am her mother...

i am happy even when i am sad
i feel alive even if i'm tired,
i feel high even if i'm in my lowest,
just one kiss and one hug!
i am living a life now, that to her i owe...


i don't want to fall

just saying...
destiny, fate, or both
no one can really know what would happen
a decade is a lifetime as it is
i missed a friend and an enemy
i miss how i was annoyed and how i annoy
i miss our laughter, our simple stories,
our long hours and late nights on the phone.
missing someone after 10 years
who is not your anything is rare!
maybe it's really just missing
or maybe it was really just that we jive,
we connect, we enjoy... after all, we have sense!

a friend will always be a friend

no matter what our history may be
there are just some things better left unsaid
a simple i'm sorry is enough...
but maybe i forgave and forgot not because of the apology
but because of the happiness and the missing...
and maybe just because, i want to move on.
hoping maybe, expecting and getting ready to get hurt again.
here i go again, allowing people to get in to my life,
my nerves and eventually hurt me again.
i was told that goodbye is "i will see you again, when I'm ready to hold your hand and you're ready to hold mine..."
i was told that letting go is "i will miss your hand. i realized it is not mine to hold, and i will never hold it again..."

and someone said, there is actually no difference

you are my right kind of wrong
you are my personal brand of tequila shots
you are a hard habit to break
you are my "me"
my exact twin, my exact opposite

we are not anything.
no labels can be given.
oh i forgot... we are just friends!
you are now my biggest fear to my strength
you are the threat to my weakness.
but who am I to you?
i don't wanna be in this game again.
I'm trying to enjoy and not expect

so I'm keeping it this way.. the way you do and the way you like!

just stay, even as my friend
even if by staying, and by making you stay,
I'm silently hoping, waiting and expecting
and maybe quietly, loving and hurting... again!

but i won't... don't worry, i won't!
Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...