4:00AM
Dear Daddy,
9 years!!! 9 years that you have taken your long vacation... Come to think of it, 9 is my favorite number. But this time, my 9 will be different – it is sad. As always it still feels like it was just last night. The hurt never subsides. The pain never dies. I always tell anyone that asks me how I deal with your “happy vacation” - kahit kelan hindi natatanggap, basta nakakasanayan lang. I have never moved on and perhaps will never will.
I cry buckets of tears when I hear songs with any father feelings. I always cry at movies that has father-daughter/son scenes. I cannot listen to John Denver songs. I still wear your jogging pants and old t-shirts. I still cannot smell the scent of Davidoff Cool Water. Yes, it has been a long time if I am going to count the days, but the length of days or months will never matter if I am going to measure the depths of my pain.
Dad, you are kindda missing some big events this year.
Knowing you, you will just be around there like my brown butterfly.
Ira is getting married. “We” will definitely be there. I still remember how much you want your “piña” barong and it must be Tesoro’s. You would have loved the foods for sure. Daddy, you are also missing Florence’s 7th birthday. This October too. “They” will be there. You know how I would love to be there for my Florence, but you also know how I hate to have a sight of her so called mother and all the tactics and b!%(#y moves of that person as if she “owns” the party. Oh I’m sure she has so many “visitors”. She gave so much hurt to mommy. I think, to make everyone at ease and be quiet, like what Jerome said, and I think that is also what Mom and Jp wanted - It would be best for me to not go. (and for the sake of everyone, hehehe!!) They know I wouldn’t just sit and be quiet in a corner as she parades all over the place - as if she owns the place and as if she was the celebrant! Oh daddy, I know you can see everything, I know you actually know the truth… I am sorry that I hate her.
Daddy, I always tell you that a lot of things would have been different if you are still here. I terribly miss you. Thank you for always listening when I always call on your name. Daddy, I know you know what my plans are. I just pray that they all fall into place. Daddy, I am super grateful to your family… they are still taking care of us like how they took care of you. I am also grateful to find new people that I can add to our long list of good friends. Daddy, Jp and Jerome changed our lights to LED to minimize our consumption. Mom and I are just having problems with our water pipes in the house.
Dad, Tito Dan had a mild stroke. But don’t you worry, because he is ok now and will just probably undergo follow up check-ups and therapy. He will definitely be better each day.
Daddy, I know that you are in a better place. I sincerely like the idea that you are no longer suffering physically. You are now having your derby with Peter. Most of all, Tatay Peping, Papa Segundino, Tito Boy, Ate Bella, Kuya Ato, Tito Narding and ate Bella are all there with you – you must be happy now.
I love you so much. You are half of my being and I will
forever treasure all our memories together and I still try to
relive some of them. I will humbly live on your meaningful
legacy and will try so hard to leave one like yours.
– just at least some of it.
