I am flying first time to the land of the rising sun with my usual travel buddies and lifelong partners Ates and Kuyas. Uddie. Gen. Randi.
A usual four hour flight is not a problem as I have been quite a traveller already - Land, sea and air.
Us the CRAZY 4, always have random bondings anywhere. Walk. Run. Fly. Eat. Sleep. Talk. And talk. And talk.
But this time I am flying differently.
That is - this time, a different me.
A more independent superwoman!
A realized person who values herself more.
1 year had passed.
1 year of cheating smiles and happiness just because you are overcoming 20 years of tears and pain.
A lot had passed thru in my life.
Come and go. People and events.
As I casually let the 4 hour flight slide,
Twists and turns in my seat, netflix and spotify had become my usual bffs.
1 song caught my sleepyhead.
SUPERWOMAN by Karyn White.
Knowing the emotional shallow me.
It awaken every running cells in me.
I repeated the song over and over until I finally accepted the depth and meaning of the song.
I googled the lyrics.
I submitted fully. In tears.
I just realized how I surrendered myself.
Pride, Prejudice, Patience.
Respect. Happiness. Love.
Just to make others happy.
Just to please others.
They alwaye came first - a partner or a lovelife. Family. Relatives. Friends.
Then it dawned on me.
Where am I?
It took me 40 years to finally accept how sad I am and how badly I neglected myself.
It took me this long to let go.
Listening to this effin damn song,
"I've got my pride... but it's making me weak.
I am not your superwoman.
I'm not the kind of girl that you can let down and think that everything is ok.
I'm only human."
"This girl needs more than occassional hugs as a token of love from you."
"I'll always be there for you through good and bad times but I can't be that superwoman that you want me to be."
"I'll give my love and lasting love if you return it to me."
I thought on it and pondered this is not just a song for woman rejected by a man.
It is actualy a cry of help.
For a person to be empowered. And to bae simply loved back in return.
Appreciated and respected.
Simple. The girl now wants to have -
SELF LOVE.
Today in Osaka. I'm choosing me.
Yung iba? Tska na lang!
Ako muna.
