Superwoman Japanese Flight

Sept. 24, 2019

I am flying first time to the land of the rising sun with my usual travel buddies and lifelong partners Ates and Kuyas. Uddie. Gen. Randi.
A usual four hour flight is not a problem as I have been quite a traveller already - Land, sea and air.
Us the CRAZY 4, always have random bondings anywhere. Walk. Run. Fly. Eat. Sleep. Talk. And talk. And talk.

But this time I am flying differently.
That is - this time, a different me.
A more independent superwoman!
A realized person who values herself more.
1 year had passed.
1 year of cheating smiles and happiness just because you are overcoming 20 years of tears and pain.
A lot had passed thru in my life.
Come and go. People and events.

As I casually let the 4 hour flight slide,
Twists and turns in my seat, netflix and spotify had become my usual bffs.

1 song caught my sleepyhead.
SUPERWOMAN by Karyn White.

Knowing the emotional shallow me.
It awaken every running cells in me.
I repeated the song over and over until I finally accepted the depth and meaning of the song.

I googled the lyrics.

I submitted fully. In tears.

I just realized how I surrendered myself.
Pride, Prejudice, Patience.
Respect. Happiness. Love.
Just to make others happy.
Just to please others.
They alwaye came first - a partner or a lovelife. Family. Relatives. Friends.

Then it dawned on me.
Where am I?

It took me 40 years to finally accept how sad I am and how badly I neglected myself.

It took me this long to let go.

Listening to this effin damn song,

"I've got my pride... but it's making me weak.
I am not your superwoman.
I'm not the kind of girl that you can let down and think that everything is ok.
I'm only human."

"This girl needs more than occassional hugs as a token of love from you."

"I'll always be there for you through good and bad times but I can't be that superwoman that you want me to be."

"I'll give my love and lasting love if you return it to me."

I thought on it and pondered this is not just a song for woman rejected by a man.
It is actualy a cry of help.
For a person to be empowered. And to bae simply loved back in return.
Appreciated and respected.

Simple. The girl now wants to have -
SELF LOVE.

Today in Osaka. I'm choosing me.
Yung iba? Tska na lang!
Ako muna.

• 
  

Smile my Star

Y My star, 

I thought you were gone. 

but you found your way back. 

You assured me my nights won’t be empty. 

Even when hidden by dark clouds.

At least, I know. In my own sky, I will have my star. 

You told me you’d just always be there. 

You were sent in a perfect time of darkness.

When I needed to be found

And I need to find Me. I THANK YOU. 

Though in a different world, 

In a different time, In our sweet complication. 

we found something for us - a friend - 

Somehow, that just make us smile even from afar.

A friendship, close to real. So long already. 

We just pick up from where we left of. 

Maybe not yet so deep like childhood friends...

For we do not have the time... not even the chance. 

We KNEW each other. We annoy each other. 

We have years to count on who we are in each others lives. No nothing. 

Just my star. And your smile. 

This friendship is good and real. 

Now I value that. 

But we do not know each other...

But it felt like we do. 

And you opened a big part of you. 

Your world. Your time.

Your mind, your friendly heart, 

And knowing you?? Aagghhhhh!!! 

You are so deep and hidden. 

You always have a mystery wall. 

But you are reaching out from that wall. 

Casually. Once in a while. 

You always steal a minute to say hi. 

I must have have done something right. 

Take care my star. Take care. 

Know that I care and I pray. 

You are one lucky star!!!

Thank your heaven. 

You must have done something right

To deserve a friend like me!!!👌🏼😉

I am ok. Worry not. 

I’ll be around - I always say. 

Though I wished you can say the same. 

But I stopped wishing. No more. 

I just know you’ll show up anytime. 

I’ll be needing your guide 

even in my bright mornings!

Smile. My star. 😎😎😎. Smile. 😘

SINO

SINO?

Nasan ka na? Nasan ka ba?

Wala man akong karapatang hanapin ka.

Puso ay pagod na. 

Wala mang kasiguruhan. 

Wala namang hinihintay. 

Hindi naman siguro masamang magtanong

Sa mapaglarong tadhana. 

Hindi man ikaw. O iba man ang nakatakda. 

Pusonay pagod nang lumuha. 

Masama ba kong tao? Ako ba’y walang kwenta? Sadya ba kong may mali?

Bakit laging ako yung sawi?

Pagod na ko. Ayawan na. 

Para  tayong chubibong umiikot. 

Pero buti pa ang chubibo, Umaakyat muli. 

Bakit ako? Laging bagsak muli? Bakit ako laging wasak muli?

Kailan kaya ako tunay na liligaya?

Pag ba mga paa ko’y pantay na?

Ang daya e. Lagi akong talo. Kahit kelan walang panalo. 

Minsan tanong ko. Ako ba ang tanga o ikaw?

Sino bang dapat manghinayang?

Sino ba talaga ang bumitaw? Ako ba o ikaw?