unusual, unexpected, differently happy!!

just saying...

i was with good new found friends last night, drinking and all..
i don't know what happened... i got drunk and i think i just spilled my heart out.

i cannot elaborate more into this since it will make everything more complicated.
why is this so questionable???

i never thought i'd meet a friend who could match
my "ewww" taste for tequilas and chocolates at the same time...
well i found one... after years...
i have a friend now who would dip fries into their mcdo sundaes
like what i do since grade 5!!!
funny... just funny
that you would meet people who think almost the same way like you,
like what you like,
hates the people you hate
and finish each other's sentences...

just funny that you would meet people like these in the most unexpected places in the most unexpected times of your life.
call that fate? compatibility? chances?
FRIENDSHIP...
im just glad i was given a chance to share some time with a friend

whatever...im just enjoying every time of it...
thank you new found friend
still, coz you came...

thank you for listening patiently
and constantly assuring me that i'm good...

i now have a friend who even younger than me is as crazy as i was when i was in her age....
now, she is more mature than what she think she is...
one thing common for the two of us .... we are two love hopefuls lost and hurt...
we just wanted to love, and be loved...
we wanted to be accepted....
appreciated
and most specially,
to be RESPECTED
go on girl...

i now have a friend who is a kuya to be exact...
gives sermons, controls you and sticks with your crazy plans...
i just appreciate how much i can trust him so much
and how much he shows concern and care for what is good for me..
i really hoped that i had found a friend like this years ago...

that night....
i cried like a baby but i felt like a damstrel in distress...
i need to be rescued....
i need to be saved.
i jsut wanted to be
LOVED BACK IN RETURN

the art of war

I feel like posting this again... It is a lesson learned. 

just saying...

well well well
bitches fold and angels get mad...
i have no idea that G-O-D was listening when i was crying and touched someone's common sense!!!
there are things that you know when you're right. you just know it.

and when you are wrong... you just accept it.
maybe not immediately, but sooner or later.. it will pop up in your head and makes you think twice.

still, truth is i am a winner.
i made my point and i have stood silently crying my sweet victoy.

she folds... i spoke.

i want to be mad because it took her days to realize how much she hurt one person... one team.
but still, i thank the heavens for giving me a reason to smile now...

Losing one and gaining 7 more is the sweetest reward of fighting for the truth of my dignity.

she knew i hated her... she felt it, she deserved it, she got what's needed to be done.
i hope, since it has ended, lessons will be learned. new foundations could be built.

after all... i dont have plans on seeing her for the next years of my life...

.........just bitchin but loving.....

boxed in red

just saying...

i am changing...
and i am changing....
for what? i do not know... better? worse?
i just know that there are a lot of changes...

after getting my self in deep shit of pains and hurts...
i am now swimming in happiness...
and scared to admit Im liking my self better!!!!

i am happy - i may have the wrong reasons... i dont care becoz i am happy now...
and i am enjoying every minute of the day i am in this place...

i gained new importance for my plunging down the drain self esteem....
i am important!
i am doing what i know and love the most... bossing and serving and getting paid!
i am passionate.
and i have other reasons but i think will take me forever before i could admit why...
im messing again? hope not!!!
just enjoying the freebies of the party as they say!!!!
im getting new found friends who doesn't care what you did and who you were...
they are just happy to be with me and
i am also happy to be with these people having these red horses from time to time.
yes i'm enjoying the rest of my days and don't care about the time..
i just hate the gods here!!!

i thank them for making me forget the the harsh truth that i'm not really happy just being with my self...

i thank these people in red suits for helping me.
they just don't know how they did it and i also don't know how i got it...
they bring me up these days even on days that they do not know how much pain i was carrying.

i thank some people who already made an impact and have also let me in into their lives, circles and even own skeds.

i found new found friends as someone described me as well.
i found simple people who just wanst happiness as well.
some of them had it, and others were like me searching.
i've never thought partying all day and working cud be this important.

they are important to me now.
as i want to be important to them.

im trying not to bring them down,
coz so far, they are trying not to bring me down as well.

i thank them coz i have changed.........
i thank them not for the job with a pay just like LVs
i thank them for the experience.

i maybe happy because im trying to escape, but forgive me... now, i don't care whether i'm right or wrong... i just want to be happy...
though it hurts... (let's not get there, so dangerous to talk about)

i am having fun...........
with the right or wrong person/s as long as they/he/she completes my day...
that's what matters most.
like i've always said... i am a bitchy angel.

and i deserve these....
i do
and i want to deserve this.
after all what's worst than getting beaten in and out of hell for love!!!

i'm trying to find new meaning for love...
a love gone?? waiting??? hoping??
a love that can never be mine?
a love that will stay?
or stay with what i thought was love?

was it love i needed????
or respect more tahn anything else????
or both???

or i just need to be me..
free......

scared!!!!

just saying...
there was a time taht i thought being afraid was just baing afraid of ghost under our beds, cockroaches and rats, worst dead people...

these fades... and thorugh the years, life will unfold a lot of realities right in our faces that will change every aspect of our life.

love
death
taxes ...as they say!!!

what is the scariest feeling one could ever have? hanging in a cliff?
confusion?
hurting and getting hurt?

i am scared... i was scared my whole life and never had the chance to overcome that fear.
fear of love, notbeing loved, not loving.
fear of loneliness and leaving some one behind.
fear of happiness - not being able to give someone and not getting it from someone.

slowly that i realized,
i was afraid of living my life...
life that passed by me like a quartermile car race!!!
vrrrrrrrrrrrrooooooooooommmmmmmmmmm and gone!!!!!!!!!!!!!
how can i go back? how can i change things taht i know i should have control of?

My scare became my dare. 
and Im claiming victory. 
Now ready to bare
This time it will be my glory. 

new world new me

just saying...

there will come atime that we need to make decisions... wise decisions not only for ourselves caught in that 1 single struggle but a decision that will affect the rest of our lives.

i have been in a battle left and right. won a lot of them.

i never imagined that the most frightening battle would be the battle against one self.

there are times when you asked questions that you already know the answer but just soooo afraid that, that was really the right answer... denial? maybe, scared? hell yeah!!!

i am now fighting aginst my self.

my mind

my heart

my love!!!